R-U-BUYING THE STORY?

On DEC 24, I went on my HUFFY, out the RiverWalk as far as the Georgia Power dam on the Flint River; when I finally found Philema Road, and left the ‘park area,’ heading for Waffle House #2222. Being completely unfamiliar with that part of my COMMUNITY, I promptly turned the wrong direction, but I stopped at a Homerun Foods for directions; this store has a pathway, that connects their parking lot to the adjacent golf course; this area is filled with homeowners who bought lakefront property on Lake Cheehaw, and this Homerun #3(406 Philema Rd.) sells bait & tackle.

After flirting with the prettiest girl that I had seen all day long(she was wearing a pair of elf-stockings and in a jolly holiday mood[I’m in love…  AGAIN]), I reversed the direction I was travelling, practically whistling because I had this young lady’s gmail contact info in my pocket. I stopped at the VFW Post, because there were two cars parked there; the front door was unlocked, so I walked right up inside the place. I could hear a racket, coming from someplace in another part of their building; I found there, a young man doing some ‘sidework’ for the Commander; I now have his gmail contact info(written below Mr. Connor’s gmail, on a scrap of envelope he’d given to me down by the damsite; his story will be told in a separate ARTICLE, to be forthcoming).

I left the Post, passing beneath the barrel of a Howitzer(like the ones that my Daddy took into the Ardenne), that was marked 11th ARMY, and proceeded in the correct direction…  this time! I had to make a right turn, onto Old _________ Road, and was now looking for Cedric[k], to cut through to Ledo Road; I soon crossed the Lee County line, which was confusing for me(I’ll study my map, the next time that I go to my Storage Unit on Stuart). Before I got over to Ledo, I turned off, at the sign for Kcountry’s Studio(which was no longer occupied by the broadcasters); I also rode past an Equine Store(on the wrong side of the Railroad for me to inspect; I’ll return there on some other outing).

Before I ever found my way to the ever-elusive Ledo Road, I came upon a Waffle House(ubiquitous is the word; type this into the ‘search-term-box’ at ASK.COM(sorry,...  no more BUTLER; I miss him too!) that I’d never even heard about; the purchase receipt, that I found crumpled & lying on the floor(barely outside their inner door), and pocketed as a valuable artifact, has on it, today’s date, the store’s number(1547) & a Leesburg address(1608 US HWY 19, 31763). The shift supervisor asked me if there was anything that she could get for me. I answered, “A free cup of coffee; I don’t have any money.” The precious caffeine-laden liquid was quickly provided, and I was made to feel welcome, and was comfortable enough in their house to remove my coat, unpack my Samsung ChromeBook & begin writing this tale(I’m now out at #2222, across the HWY from the AMC 8-screen movie-house, drinking more java(and I still do not have any money).

There is a really ponderous man working here tonight(11:35 PM; not quite Christmas Day…  yet), and when I walked over to talk with him, he was typing furiously on a smart phone; I told him that the way he handled that tiny QWERTY indicated some hours of experience using the device; I told him that I was fixing to time him…  to see how long it would take him to turn the ubiquitous device off. After some meaningless dialog, I turned away, saying, “You don’t know how to turn it off!” I just asked my waitress(her name is Danessa; pronounced just like Vanessa) if she knew how long my coffee-cup has been sitting here EMPTY? She apologetically said that she had gotten busy; I repeated the question for her, and the second time, she answered the question:”No.” I told her that ‘no’ is a perfectly good answer, and that another one that works fairly well,...  even in a Courtroom, is, “I don’t remember.”

Well,...  it’s officially Christmas Day here(way out on Ledo Road; Ledo is Lee-Dougherty, and is the county line for much of its East-West length), and just looking at my WH-family-members, you’d never know this; most of this crew are scheduled to go home at 9 AM(if the shift-change goes off without a hitch)/CORRECTION:Danessa is leaving at 1 o’clock, & the young man, with no name tag, that is washing dishes & splashing water all over my keyboard, is leaving at 2(an hour earlier than his scheduled quitting-time, and coming back here at 7 AM, for another day of double his normal $2/hr. pay!). That will leave a grill-man and 2 waitresses, to get the store back into shape for 1st shift, while the store is ‘slow.’ So far, they have forbidden me to do any of their ‘normal chores,’ which I’m accustomed to doing, when in the Metro-Atlanta stores that I used to frequent.

I’ve fallen back on telling some really moldy jokes, to invoke a smile-response; it works pretty good, but…  almost none of my ‘victims’ will remember, or be able to retell these gems tomorrow; my banner-tale, is a joke that I stole from The Amazing Jonathan; he has a page on his website that is filled with jokes submitted by his fans, and, of course, approved by the twisted mind of this comedic Las Vegas ‘magician.’ It goes like this:

Two friends are riding together, down a deserted stretch of road, somewhere far outside the city; it’s a perfect day for just such a leisurely drive, and they are both relaxed, and just enjoying the peacefulness of the passing scenery(without having any conversation, and the radio is also turned off). Then,...  a rabbit darts out into the highway, and before the driver can react, they both hear that thump-thump noise that says it’s already too late to do anything. The driver takes his foot off the accelerator, and coasts to a stop, just off the roadway; his companion says, “Whudya hittim for?”

Without comment, the driver gets out of the vehicle, and begins digging around in the trunk, looking for something there, while this friend of his decides to join him on the roadside. He finds what he has been hunting for, and leads his friend back up the road, to the still-warm carcass lying in the highway. He bends down to his victim, and anoints his head, back & hind legs, with some mysterious ointment, in a plastic squeeze-bottle; he stands upright and waits to see the results.

Suddenly,…  to his friend’s undisguised amazement, this ‘dead’ rabbit jumps to his [now, lucky]feet, and scampers away from the two of them. Then, the truly unsuspected thing happened! The hastily-retreating bunny stops…  turns around…  and waves at them! Then, the invigorated rodent runs quickly, another 10 to 12 feet farther,...  turns again & waves. This repetitive behavior is repeated a number of times, until the long-eared critter reaches the cover of some thick sedge, just off the roadway, and they can no longer see what their new friend is doing.

The hapless driver’s passenger just has to ask the now-burning-question. “What the heck was in that bottle?” He has to study the label for a minute, before he issues his explanatory response:”It says here…  PERMANENT WAVE FOR DAMAGED HAIR!

My 3 AM companion(a customer who played three excellent[musically] selections on the J-box), has just left here, without leaving an e-mail acct., so that I can further elucidate(for him) what this life can be, once one realizes the certain paucity of the ‘knowledge’ he/she has relied upon for far too long; his mind has been fixed, and he realizes no need to seek more accurate sources for his beliefs; the Temptations had it right:SUPERSTITION AIN’T THE WAY!

Kenneth, the grill-man, sent a bowl over here with scrambled eggs, melted cheese & crumbled sausage patties(not that turkey-substitute used by Hardee’s & Burger King), covering a generous portion of scattered hash browns(a $7.15 value); unfortunately, I was unable to consume all of what was a huge portion of delicious grilled delicacies.

There are still couples, families, travelers & quite a few lonely singles coming into the store at this late hour, and all I can think about this, is what a good location the owner/operator has chosen to build on(back in January of this year); the typical check, for four diners, is between 23 & 28 dollars, and the girls are killing it tonight, with some infectious holiday largesse inflating the tips they’ve been seeing. I’ve heard no complaints tonight, about having to work these holiday shifts(not even from the grill-men, who rarely receive any gratuity). I just wish that I had a $20-bill to ‘rock this house’ with music; it’s just too damn quiet.